The whole wth is going to happen and what are we going to do is driving me mad. I can’t stand not having a plan. My dad will probably bust out laughing if he reads that one but its true. So its long been a crap shoot on will the two most dreaded words in the military happen to Justin. We *still* don’t know. This makes planning out the future rather difficult. It’s getting close to that time when we need to start looking for houses and jobs and such. Anyway, although we had investigated the school drop option before it didn’t seem to apply to him but he seems to think he can get one. This would at least give us an indication of things to come since if he doesn’t get the school drop it would be reasonably certain that he will have to go to the ’stan. At least that is my thinking. But its all a case of who knows. Meanwhile, I was investigating residency issues for the stl option Since it wouldn’t be a case of being able to wait to est. residency with school drop. And the price difference per semester was like 6k. So I got all freaked out. Since it would mean either staying here or moving to NM. You know its not that I don’t like NM cause I do. I just don’t think I could spend the rest of my life there. Also our last move was such a disaster in so many ways it freaks me out to tempt the gods like that again. So I started researching option 3 which is to stay here. It has the cheapest cost of living of any of the three. Hell what we can get for like HALF of anywhere else in housing is impressive. I found two I fell absolutely in love with downtown. In the midst of my wild hunt for *stuff* I spoke to the director at UMSL about residency and he seemed to think there wouldn’t be a problem since I had maintained my MO residency and we were military etc. So it sounds like that could work out. However we will have to make sure of that before putting in the packet since 6k is nothing to sneeze at. Also the downside of the school drop is that we lose his terminal leave. I just hate all this uncertainty so much. It’s making me depressed which is not good since I need to be strong and productive and active in our quest to find the next stage of our lives. Also I’m discovering that the thought of leaving my home is upsetting me. I know its a rental. I know there are things I would change. I know that I would never buy this house and yet it is my home. I love this house. I love my life as it is. I mean of course I hate the fact that Justin is miserable and govt property. I hate the looming threat of deployment. I just really have enjoyed my time of hausfrauerie. I’m being a selfish baby twit is what is going on. I’ll get over it and learn to see our new life with hope but right now its very difficult to see that.